By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
