it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
