yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
