btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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