I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
