Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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