when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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