I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
