Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
