if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
