I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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