I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
