Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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