i already hear my dad disowning me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
soo... how was my night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
