If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
