Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
