So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
