You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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