All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
