OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
