Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
