It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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