Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
