I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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