shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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