help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
