OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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