I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
