we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
