My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
