I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
