If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
