he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
