she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
