Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
