even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
