Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
worst night to have a conscience
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
