I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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