Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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