I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
