I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
