Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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