Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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