In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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