I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
