He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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