And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
