I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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