bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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