I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
