i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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