Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
