I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
