Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
