I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
