Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
