When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We just shotgunned beers for America
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
